Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Stain Glass Masquerade and Vulnerability

I love it when God speaks to me. One way God can always seem to get through to me is music. Although it's not a talent, it is a passion. I'm not saying this is how God always speaks to me because prayer and reading the Bible is huge. But, those times when I'm in a rut, not seeming to get anwhere, being lazy with my walk (times like now)--God always seems to speak to me through music. It's like He knows when I'm slackin' off in everything else, I'll still be listening to my music. And, He's right. Anywho, today was one of those moments. I was looking through songs to put on MySpace and I came across this Casting Crowns song. I always seem to get a lot out of their lyrics. They're so upfront, dealing with issues that many in the church are afraid to deal with. It's just passionate music with real lyrics. The lyrics below are the ones God used to really speak to me today. The lyrics don't do this song justice, so if you haven't heard it, you should listen to it. You can check it out on my MySpace. Anywho, here they are.

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the heart again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Now, some of you may wonder how exactly God spoke to me through that. Well, I've always been real bad at making myself vulnerable. At showing the real side of me that has questions, fears, and pain. And, being on a Bible College campus, this might seem like it should be easier, but it's not. A lot of people, inclusing myself have this false perception that just becasue it's a college full of students pursuing ministry, that everyone has it all together. But when we all sit back and really think about it, that statement couldn't be anymore wrong. Anywho, being at a Bible College doesn't help me. I'm sure it will happen over time, but it's just always taken me a long time to open up to people and I don't have a whole lot of opportunities to do so here because I live off campus. Back to the song. This song hit it right on the nail for me. It's an issue that God really pointed out to me last year at camp, and that I thought a lot about then, but not recently. It's something I've done nothing about. It's something I still struggle with. I still don't know how exactly it's all going to get "fixed", but God's made me aware of it again. And I've been remembered that I need to be doing my part. My story, my struggles, my hurts, my fears could be exactly what someone else needs to hear to help them out--to let them know they're not alone. Not to mention, after so long even what seem to be the silliest of issues can build up and become too much for a person. God gave us other people. We, I need to use this valuble resource. I realize I'm sort of rambling on, but this is just something God's really been pressing on my heart so I thought I'd share. Please pray that I will learn to open up and become more vulnerable. much love becky

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