Lessons from Subway: Humility

I have a degree in youth/global ministry.  I work at Subway.  This has been frustrating for me.  I have left Subway multiple times thinking it was my last go around and I would never have to work at Subway again.  But here I am working my longest stretch at Subway...with no end in sight.  A few weeks back I decided to change my attitude in regards to this job.  Rather than be frustrated by it, I have decided to learn from it.  And learning I am...in abundance. 

The first lesson I am learning (in fact it is what made me decide to allow myself to learn from this situation) is humility.  It has humbled me to obtain a college education and yet not seem to be able to move beyond a job in fast food.  It is humbling to make sandwiches for young professionals (many younger than me) who come in to our store.  It is humbling to have seven years of experience in a job and not move beyond the title of "Sandwich Artist."  It is humbling to write resumes in which my job experience consists mostly of the above title. 

Humbling, yes.  Humiliating, no.  Humbling because I had for some reason built up in my head that I was so far above this job.  Humbling because of my own ego.  Not humiliating because I am so thankful to have a job.  Not humiliating because I am so thankful I have a job in which my employer trusts and respects me so much. 

Because of this experience in being humbled, I have learned many more things as well...and those are to come.

More to Come

We finally have internet at our new home!  That means more posts will be coming soon...I know you all (the handful of you that actually read this) just can't wait ;)  I have this little idea of writing a few posts about lessons from Subway.  Ideas such as humility, contentment, and keeping my mouth shut will be discussed.  Also...maybe some pics of the house will be up soon.  Until then...

Experience

 Over the past few months I have sent out at least 20 resumes to various non-profits in the Twin Cities area.  I have read job descriptions for dozens and dozens....and dozens more.  What do they all have in common?  A requirement for the job is experience.  How is any recent college graduate supposed to get a job if you need a minimum of three, five, or more years experience?  Especially if you have a BA in religion with a major in youth ministry and a minor in global ministry?  The jobs I have applied for are ones which I think I would enjoy, would do well at, and believe I am qualified for.  And if I believe I am qualified for a job then that's saying something because I am not the most confident person when it comes to trying something new.  According to these job descriptions, with my education and experience I guess the only jobs I am qualified for are Sandwich Artist or Youth Pastor.  What a frustrating position to be in.  A call back from at least one of these places would be fantastic.  That's my rant for the day.  Hopefully my next post will be more constructive.

Evolution of Faith

Last week I started reading Evolution of Faith by Philip Gulley.  Reading the title alone has made me contemplate how my faith has evolved over the years. As if this book hasn't been enough to get me thinking about such things, a few days after beginning this book, I watched a slightly perturbed group of college students try to analyze the gathering (the Porch's weekly "service") for a paper they had to write.  This brought back a rush of memories and the many frustrations I faced in college--the countless classes, chapels, and other services I spent finding all the errors in what as being taught/preached--as I found my faith shifting.  Actually, my faith was more than shifting...it was crumbling.

Let's back up a bit...

My parents raised me in a Christian environment.  I memorized loads of Scripture in AWANA as a wee one.  As my siblings and I grew older, our family began attending church less and less as all three kids were involved in sports tournaments most weekends.   By the time I was in Jr High, attending a Sunday morning service was a rare occasion, which was fine by me.  While I considered myself a Christian, it was fear of getting in trouble that kept me a decent kid rather than a desire to live in the way of Jesus. In eighth grade I began attending youth group at a Wesleyan church because there was a cute boy there that I liked.  I fell in love with that place (not that boy).  Over the years, I was incredibly blessed to have three different, amazing youth pastors.  Each challenged me in a different way regarding my faith.  By the time I was ready to graduate I had read the Bible in it's entirety (twice), served for a few years on the youth group's leadership team, preached a few mini sermons on Sunday mornings (on Youth Sundays of course), and decided I was going to go on and pursue Christian ministry of some sort (as long as I was able to play softball on a scholarship at the college where I would be learning about this whole ministry deal).  I was solid in my faith and nothing was going to shake me.

Until Bible college.  After taking a year off from school and getting married in that time, I (with Jeff of course) moved to New Brunswick, Canada to pursue "the call" I had on my life to become a full time youth pastor.  At the end of my freshman year I added a Global Ministry Major to my Youth Ministry Major.  At the end of my sophomore year I dropped my global major to a global minor.  At the end of my junior year I was questioning just about everything regarding the institutional church, and was pretty convinced that house churches were the way to go.  My senior year was packed full of frustrations as I was sitting through lectures all about church structure and using Roberts Rules of Order at church meetings.  I can't even begin to describe the anger in me as I became so disenfranchised with the church.  I was disgusted with what I was learning because to me it looked nothing like what Jesus ever intended the Church to be.  I wrote paper after paper voicing my frustrations and arguing my points.  Thankfully, I had professors who allowed me to think this way and graded me according to my work and research and not on the premise that I had to agree with them.

Through experiences of working closely with a youth pastor on my internship for 6 months and working as a youth and young adult pastor in a church for a year after that, I have slowly morphed from being calloused, to broken-hearted, to understanding there's a place for institutional, conservative evangelicalism--even if it's no longer for me.  It played a large role in my faith, and I would not be where I am today if it weren't for it.

While it began with questioning ministry practices and eventually the institutional church as a whole, it didn't stop there.  Just about everything in my faith has been questioned, torn down, and is in the process of being rebuilt...hopefully never to full completion again.  I'm sure there are some who think I've "backslidden" or "fallen away" because I no longer hold some of their most cherished beliefs.  But that's ok.  I have never had a more vibrant, hope-filled, Jesus-centered faith than I do now.  I would never change where I've come from in my faith, even though I no longer hold to much of it.  I'm thankful for where I came from, content with where I'm at, and excited for what's to come.

More than a Buzz Word

In my last post I claimed that I miss writing.  This is not entirely true.  I miss the feeling of accomplishment which comes after successfully completing a thought which is a rare occasion for me unless it finds itself in written form.  I do not miss the actual process of writing.  If that were the case, this computer would seldom leave my lap.  Sadly, that feeling of accomplishment does not come without the process, so here I find myself, in the midst of the process...

The idea of living in community is something that Jeff and I have been a bit more than infatuated with  for several years now.  This infatuation began our senior year of college after reading books such as The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.  Many of our peers and close friends also flirted with this concept of living life in intentional community.  For some it came to fruition, while others realized it was just a phase which has since passed along with their years of living in a dorm (which is something I never experienced unless you count living in an apartment basement in a men's dorm with my husband--not quite the typical college life dorm experience to say the least).  For us, the dream of living in community, the aching to share our lives so intimately with others, the conviction of living a more simplistic, interconnected, holistic life has only grown with the years.

I love shows such as Friends and Grey's and Private Practice which depict the lives of friends who are struggling together as they try to figure out life.  But even more, I appreciate the real life examples I have witnessed first hand.  Our friends at Reconciliation in Salem, Oregon graciously introduced us to their version of community as they seek to live missional lives and gave us hope that this was really possible for us.  Our faith community, Solomon's Porch has beautifully demonstrated and invited us to join them in pursuing what God is up to in the world.  My aunt and uncle have warmly welcomed us into their home where we have so enjoyed our little community.

As we have witnessed and participated in various communities, we have further developed our own dreams for community living.  We dream of a community in which...
...we recognize and participate in the connection with one another as a household, our neighborhood, our city, and our world
...spirituality and the ways of Jesus are passionately sought after
...hospitality is central to all we do; dinners are a time to gather together (just like the olden days) and we always have an open room for those in need of a place to stay (except, of course, when that room is being occupied by someone in such a circumstance--does the whole loaves and fish thing apply to beds in a house or just food?)
...those living and visiting feel safe to be who they are without judgment and vulnerability is a way of life
...everyone who walks through the doors is a participant and contributor in the community
...possessions are held onto loosely and money assists us in our efforts but never guides us
...the weak, marginalized, and oppressed find welcome and rest
...further dreams are encouraged and pursued

As we dream, we are well aware that living in community will mean infusing our dreams with those of others in our community.  We are under no illusion that this will be easy; that living in community won't have its struggles.  If we never face a struggle, never deal with a disagreement, never make a compromise, then I'm guessing true community isn't really happening--that we are really just a bunch of roommates. 

I am excited and scared out of my mind to pursue this new adventure.  The thought of buying a house; the commitment to a place and a people--to stability, to community, to actually doing this thing--is terrifying yet comforting.  Our closing date is October 27th.  Who's in?

Here I Go, Yet Again

I miss writing.  A small part of me wishes I were back in school, forced by a deadline to scribble down my thoughts.  I would love to say I need more time, but really I need more discipline because time is in abundance these days.  So today I'm writing, but I'm starting small.  Much has happened in life since the introduction of Frodo Poe.  We resigned from our position at Anoka Wesleyan Church.  In August we moved in with my aunt and uncle in Shoreview as we began our search for a home.  Frodo has absolutely loved life with two other dogs around (as I write this, he is licking the wall...what a weird dog).  I can't even begin to explain how much we have enjoyed our time here.  We are going to miss it when we move.  However, we are in the process of purchasing a house that we are eager to make our home .

Jeff is home and it it time to go out for his birthday dinner (he turned 30 yesterday), so I have to cut this yet-again foray into the discipline of writing short, but I will be writing more about our dreams for this new home soon.  As well as much more.

Introducing Frodo Poe!

Last Thursday we added a new member to our family! Frodo is a 14-week-old (approximately) dashchund/blue heeler mix. He is a spunky little guy, but also quite the cuddler. He is smart as well as stubborn. He loves his daddy, but is definitely a mama's boy. We are excited to have him as part of our family and can't wait for you to meet him!

What a Silly Question

So I was sitting here, playing some solitaire (vegas scoring of course)...and contemplating life. I found myself asking myself if the root of some of the struggles in my life were spiritual...and then I thought...what a silly question to ask.

It can be so tempting to compartmentalize life...and life's struggles. It can be easy to think this is a relationship problem...that is a personal problem...this is a spiritual problem...and so on. But I realized as I was doing this with my own life that this does not accurately portray what I really believe. I believe in a holistic spirituality...one that encompasses all areas of life. This means not only that my spiritual life effects all other areas of life...but also that every area of life effects my spiritual life...it's one, interconnected life.

Take relationships for example. I believe one of the greatest ways to experience God is through relationship with other people. So, if we have no deep connections with others...if we have broken relationships with others...if we put walls up to keep others out...our relationship with God will undoubtedly take a hit (even if we are praying and reading our Bibles every day...) Somewhere in our history (recent history, might I add) we made Christianity a very individualistic religion...we made the personal aspect of our relationship with Jesus into an individualism thing...an it's just me and Him thing. But God tells us to love Him and love others...in one breath.

Our spiritual lives are not disconnected from the rest of our lives...no matter how much we act like it or want it to be so.

Getting Started...Again

Just over six months ago, I wrote on here a few goals for myself. Seeing as it has been quite some time since I have updated this here blog, I thought a good way to get started writing again would be to write a little update on those goals. It seems especially appropriate as we are approaching the new year.

one. This has definitely been an up and down thing, but overall I do believe I am heading in the right direction. Still have a ways to go, but I am making progress.

two. Has not happened as I hoped it would. Need to get my bum in gear with this one.

three. Also up and down, but for sure heading in the right direction. I received Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals for Christmas and have already begun that. Excited to continue this and invite more people to join me on this journey of praying together daily.

four. Meh. Introversion and fear have definitely been holding me back, but pushing through...

five. Making great progress with this one...its exciting to see those numbers going down!

six. If my count is correct...three down (Freakanomics by Levitt and Dubner, Why Evolution is True by Coyne, and Relationships Unfiltered by Root)...two half down (Of the Imitation of Christ by A Kempis and An Emergent Manifesto of Hope by Pagitt and Jones)...that leaves seven to go. A little behind, but it will get done.

seven. Have not done nearly as much as I would have liked as seen by my lack of posts since August. However, I have been doing a bit of journaling which has been good for me. Still...must do more writing.

eight. I think we have done a decent job of this. To better evaluate this I should ask the people who spend time in our home.

nine. A daily struggle. Just because we have more does not mean we need more. This Christmas season has definitely been a reminder to me to continue this pursuit...

More stretching. More growth. On the way. We'll see where I'm at in June...

The Deodorant Enlightenment Experience

I hate consumerism…to my core. I hate spending my money on non essentials. I hate convincing myself that something is an essential. I hate the small (or sometimes rather large) high I get when I buy something I’ve really wanted. I hate wanting more when I already have more than enough. I hate the “you deserve it” mindset along with the “embrace the culture to you can be relevant” mantra. I hate that churches have embraced consumerism in the name of Jesus. I hate how easily I forget that what I purchase actually impacts others. I hate that me having more often means others have less. I hate consumerism. And I hate feeling trapped by consumerism.

I find it all too easy to convince myself that I need something. That if I buy this I will be more relevant. If I acquire that I can make my home more hospitable. If I purchase this I will be more comfortable. If I can just somehow obtain that my life will be better.

And it’s in those times that I have convinced myself of the need for more that God always seems to find a way to remind me that I’m an idiot.

Recently Jeff and I have constructed something we like to refer to as “The List.” The List contains a number of items which we have wanted to buy for quite some time, but have not due to a lack of income (at least we were smart enough to not rack up more debt in the pursuit of acquiring these items). Some of the items on The List are things that we need…or will need in the near future (i.e. tires and truck alignment). However, the majority of the items on The List are things we could do without, but I have somehow convinced us that we need for one reason or another. With our first few paychecks, we have started purchasing a few items on The List…pacing ourselves, of course, so that we do not blow the entirety of our checks on these items.

There have been many times when either adding something to The List or crossing an obtained item off The List that I have had to push back thoughts of “What are you doing?” and replaced them with other thoughts. Thoughts such as “We could really use these things” and “It’s okay, we’re being responsible and only spending our ‘extra’ cash on this stuff.”

Last night we were at Wal-Mart doing some true essentials shopping. We were standing in front of the men’s deodorant section and I couldn’t believe how many different options of deodorant are available. Not just the number of different brands, but how many options each brand had to offer. There had to be at least 15 different options (possibly more) of Degree brand deodorant for men. There are many different things I could write about concerning this whole deodorant enlightenment experience (and maybe I will later), but for now, this experience turned my mind to the idea of how consumerism was impacting my life…the idea (more accurately, conviction) which I was suppressing in order to continue adding and crossing items off of The List. To add to the deodorant enlightenment experience, God seemed to keep bringing this up in other ways as well (to make sure I got the point)…the sharing on stewardship last night as well as a in a book I was reading earlier today to name a few.

I think God speaks differently to each of us. For me, I know God is calling me away from consumerism into a life of simplicity. And when I do purchase, to make I sure am being a responsible consumer. I need constant reminders to keep me from being sucked into the trap of consumerism. Thanks God…for sending me those reminders.

Dancing in the Minefields

I came across this song on Donald Miller's blog a few days before our anniversary. Reading Miller's books and blog has inspired me to want to live a better story. If you have read anything he has written, you know what I mean. So it was quite fitting that I learned of this song from his blog. This song brings tears to me eyes every time I listen to it because it makes me think of the beautiful story that Jeff and I have lived, are living, and will continue to live for many years. I know it's cheesy, but it's true. So thank babe...I love living our amazing story together :)

Not sure why the whole video won't show up...but at least you get to hear the song.

Mini Garden

It's so exciting to see our tomatoes and peppers growing! We thought for a bit that our tomatoes were ruined (most of the early growth developed black bottoms and stopped growing). Thankfully, we have PLENTY of tomatoes that are not affected by what we found out is called blossom end-rot. Hopefully we will be making some salsa in the next week or so!

The Evolution of Love

Yesterday we celebrated our 5 year anniversary. It's crazy to think how much has changed in the time we have been married. I think we would both agree that we are different people now than we were on this day five years ago. We have both changed and grown dramatically as individuals and together. I am so thankful for where God has brought us, and I can't wait to see what's in store for the next 5 years! I love you babe!

Year 5...celebrated by going out to Joe's Crab Shack and then grabbing some ice cream at Sebastian Joe's

Year 4...time at the cabin

Year 1...weekend in Minneapolis

Was hoping to post pictures from every year, but they're not all on this computer so I guess that's not happening. Year 2 was spent on the Oregon coast and year 3 was spent fishing on the Rainy River.

Cornerstone

I've been thinking about this whole concept of Jesus as our cornerstone for quite some time now. It stems from my earlier thoughts on the Pursuit of Rightness. If Jesus is the cornerstone of the Christian faith, will all our "houses" look the same? If Jesus is the cornerstone, the rock, the foundation...if everything boils down to Him, will every person's faith look the same? Will all of our beliefs, biblical interpretations, practices, convictions, and so on be clones? I don't think so.

And I think that is the beauty of the Christian faith...diversity. In my own life I have built up, torn down, and started reconstructing the framework of my belief system. The house is still in the process of being built. I don't know if it will ever be complete. I'm sure there will be plenty of remodeling and possibly more demolition in the future. I used to hold firm to every little detail...from the structure, to the paint color, to the moldings, down to the placement of the furniture...nothing could change. Now I hold firm to the what started it all...the cornerstone...Jesus. I may like the way my house is looking and prefer things a certain way, but I am also willing to let those things change with time.

An event that really triggered this thought process for me was the passing of my Grandpa. As I was staring out the passenger window at the stars over eastern Washington on our trip back to Minnesota, I was thinking about my Grandpa. I was thinking about how much he loved Jesus. I was thinking about how different our houses looked, yet we had the same cornerstone. I could get so frustrated with my Grandpa because he viewed things so differently than me. I could never understand why he was so stubborn. As I sat there that night in the car with tears in my eyes, God taught me a valuable lesson...our houses may have looked different, but our cornerstone was the same.

Sonshine

For those who don't know, Sonshine is a big annual Christian music festival held in Willmar, MN. It's a pretty big deal in these parts. To kick off the festival, they have a free concert the first night. We went with the youth and young adults to this free concert last night. Remedy Drive and Family Force 5 put on a great show. It was a fun day of traveling and hanging out in some beautiful weather listening to some good music.

Starting Small

Someday, Jeff and I would love to have a big garden. Over the past two years or so we have become more conscious consumers. Part of that has been trying to pay closer attention to what's in the food we eat as well as where the food is grown and by who. We by no means are perfect with this and still have SO MUCH to learn, but we are trying to be better at it little by little every day. One way to be certain bout the growing conditions of our food is to grow it ourselves, so to be able to produce our own food (at least some of it) is a goal of ours. We are excited for the day when we will no longer have to buy veggies at the grocery store. But...that's not going to be possible for a while. Living in a parsonage connected to the church means we do not have the land to have a garden (not even a small one). Thankfully a friend of ours here, Tim, was incredibly generous and made us a cedar planter for out little porch. We were able to fit two pepper and two tomato plants in it (it was too late in the season to start from seed). It's an exciting part of my day to check on the progress of our plants, and recently I found one little tomato starting to grow. Today we found a few more. I can already taste the salsa...

Quick Update

We have been crazy busy the last week or so with moving, church events, job hunting and painting. I will be updating soon...I have not forgotten goal number seven :) Until then, have a great day everyone.

proof that im not just making excuses :)

my puppy while we were packing the car...so sad :(

New Phase

Yesterday we received the official word that we are done with our schooling at Bethany! Our entire married life thus far has revolved around school. We are about to enter into our fifth year of marriage as we enter into a new phase of life. The last five years have been great, but I cannot wait to see what's in store. One week ago today, we moved to Anoka, MN which is a suburb of Minneapolis. We are working part time at Anoka Wesleyan Church with the youth and young adults. Housing is our compensation, so we are currently job hunting to pay the bills and eat.

I have been thinking quite a bit about what I want to see happen in my life over the next year here in Anoka. It can be too easy for me to slip into a very inactive, introverted daily routine. In order to avoid this, I am sharing my goals for the next year on this here blog in hopes that this will keep me accountable.

one. create a healthier lifestyle. This includes eating healthy, excercising on a regular basis, and not oversleeping. I do a fairly decent job with all of these things on occasion, but not consistently.

two. read bible more. Not out of obligation.

three. pray more. Especially with people.

four. build significant relationships. Put myself out there. Be open. Be honest. Love. Push myself out of my comfort zone of introversion.

five. pay of all non-school debt. Debt sucks.

six. read twelve books. By authors other than the usuals (McLaren, Miller, Claiborne, Wright, etc) List thus far...Freakanomics by Levitt and Dubner, Jesus Manifesto by Sweet, Why Evolution is True by Coyne, Sustainable Youth Ministry by DeVries, and Scribal Culture and the Making of the Hebrew Bible by van der Toorn. If you have any other suggestions, let me know!

seven. write. Most likely to be done via blog. Writing forces me to more thoroughly think through the crazy ideas in my head...and we all know those ideas need more thinking through. Writing on here gives others the opportunity to challenge those thoughts which makes me think through them even more. This includes more thoughts on the Pursuit of Rightness.

eight. create a space of hospitality. I always want our home to be warm and inviting...and for people to always feel welcomed and loved here.

nine. continue in the pursuit to live simply. Over our internship we learned that we can live on very little. Why live on more just because we can? "What if we began to see our spending, not just our giving, as a matter of discipleship?" --The Justice Project

Have a great day everyone!

Life

I'm taking a little break from my thoughts on the pursuit of rightness to write a little update on our lives. Our internship was supposed to end on May 15th. Our original plans were to leave Salem on the 16th, spend a few days with my sister in Medford, go to Oklahoma for a bit, head up to Austin, MN for a wedding, and then come see my parents in Warroad, MN. From there we would figure out what to do next. That all changed last week when we found out my grandpa had cancer. They found out last week and it progressed very quickly. We left last Sunday in hopes of making it back in time to say goodbye. We were less than an hour away when we got the call that he had passed away. We've spent the last few days helping my parents out around the house as they spend time with family, making funeral arrangements. It's been hard on everyone because it happened so fast. My grandpa was an amazing man who loved Jesus very much. He will be missed.


His funeral is on Sunday. We plan on spending another week or so in Warroad before we go down to Austin for the wedding. Hopefully we will get a trip to Oklahoma in as well. The next few weeks will be busy for us as we travel, finish up internship homework, look for a new car (ours went down to 3 cylinders on our way out here), and figure out what the next step in this journey is going to look like.

A Defining Moment

I do not want anyone to mistake what I am saying about the pursuit of rightness as the pursuit of truth. I think there is a difference between seeking truth and seeking everyone’s approval of my opinions. Before I go further into this, let me first make a little disclaimer…although I have been thinking through these ideas lately, I am still thinking. These are not my final conclusions on this subject...just where I am at now.

Truth. When I refer to truth, essentially I am referring to God. God is truth. God has revealed himself to us in the Bible, thus revealing truth to us in the Bible. I believe the clearest revelation of God (and once again, the clearest revelation of truth) is found in Jesus. Because Jesus is the clearest revelation of God, everything we read in the Bible should be read through the life of Jesus. I also believe that God has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit which helps us to (among other things) interpret Scripture.

The Pursuit of Truth = Seeking to know God more fully everyday.

Rightness. Now, this is no dictionary definition of the term, but rather what I am referring to when I use it (same goes for the above “definition” of truth). Rightness is the assumption that all my opinions, ideas, interpretations, etc are the only “right” way of viewing things. It is the arrogance that my understanding of Scripture is superior to your understanding. Yes, we have the Holy Spirit to guide us in this process, but is one way of understanding right while the other is wrong, or does the Holy Spirit guide us into different understandings?

The Pursuit of Rightness = Seeking my interpretations to be superior to all others.

Let me close with this…Arminians and Calvinists disagree on the interpretation of many different passages of Scripture leading to two very different (if you stick with the strictest of each branch) views of God. Is one right? Is one wrong? Is one guided by the Holy Spirit while the other is lacking? Or, has the Holy Spirit guided each of these two branches into two different understandings of Scripture? If the latter option is true, then how else may the Holy Spirit guide different groups in different understandings of Scripture? If this is the case, does this nullify God and the pursuit of truth or our arrogance in the pursuit of rightness?

In my pursuit of truth I am throwing off the pursuit of rightness in favor of asking more questions.